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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to learn that a prominent writer a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to access the restrooms during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|